Sunday, April 01, 2007

BREAKING: Amherst decides to dissolve team, "play baseball instead"

Very interesting news out of Amherst, Mass. earlier today. Apparently 10 of the top 12 players on the "A" squad have decided to retire from the sport of ultimate to focus on other endeavors.

Said one player, "We've just been so good for so long, it just seems that we should try something new. I think most of us are going to start playing baseball instead."

"I've been wanting to try pottery for a long time now," another senior said.

When students at the regional high school which has won the last 3 Easterns Championships were asked for comment Sophomore Shannon Williams said, "Ultimate... thats the game with the dog and the Frisbee right?"

More in tune players from around the country though have been stunned by the news. Pennsbury is said to be holding a meeting later tonight to decide whether they should buy crowns with emeralds or rubies, in anticipation of their Easterns win in the coming May. Purple velvet robes were also mentioned as a possibility, however is expected to be voted down because everyone realizes that purple clashes with Noah Saul's dreamy eyes.

On the west coast the reaction has been mixed. The Northwest School team is reported to empathize with the Amherst players.

"Being on top is tough, everybody wants to beat you, you have to train year round, honestly a few of the guys have been considering a similar decision, we are looking into creating a competitive sport stacking team," said Coach Mike Mullen.

However players from Churchill High School in Oregon were dumbfounded, "Whuaa?" said Luke Johnson, "I feel like I've lost a bit of my inner child just now."

Down in Georgia, Paideia players were focused on what really matters though. "So... is this going to affect the date of prom?" asked George Stubbs.

When the UPA was asked for comment on the matter little response was given - save for an off hand comment that, "its not too big of a deal, we are in the process of instituting a 'returning-champions-need-not-apply' policy for upa sanctioned events, so they were unlikely to be accepted anyway."

More on this story as it develops...


Anonymous said...

nice one

Anonymous said...

that cant be right....

Anonymous said...

aprils fools guys...hahaha

Anonymous said...

Noah Saul doesnt have dreamy eyes, hes one ugly ass kid.

Isaac Saul
Pennsbury Varsity Ultimate

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

This is obviously not the right thread, but since college admission letters went out last week, maybe we can start to hear about where seniors are headed next year? Maybe this deserves its own open thread?

and,yes, nice april fools joke.

Anonymous said...

Im not to worried...Amherst will fall this year to Pennsylvania. Good try guys.

Anonymous said...

Who actually believed that? baseball?!?!?

CarlP00 said...

hahaha, that's classic